Eskewpades

Valentine Gag Gifts for Sagging Girls and Drooping Boys Thank God the need for masks didn’t exist when I was decades younger and irresistibly handsome. Let’s face it, my killer good looks have finally faded away. Yup, the ravages of gravity. So vicious. Who’d have thunk I’d ever welcome an excuse to cover my formerly flawless face. Oy. Sometimes I don’t even bother to remove my mask at home. Mirrors be damned. Keep ‘em covered as I mourn the loss of my movie star mug. What really knocks me for a loop arises when people from my distant past actually recognize my now-covered, ill-favored face. Such a recognition happened recently. As I was searching for the perfect Valentine gag gift for my bitter half, someone in the mall crowd behind me yelled “CAW!” That could mean only one thing: my girlfriend––not one of my fantasy   mistresses––no, ’twas my girlfriend Mary from second grade.   Call it gravitational pull: over time, fate periodically pilots Mary and me together. “Caw” has been our